Instructional Guide: Visiting a Dog Beach

Dear Memorial Day Weekend/Summer OB Dog Beach Visitors:

I'm so happy about your decision to include Fido in your holiday weekend fun. I think it's great - really, I do. However, in an effort to keep myself, my dogs and the streets of Ocean Beach safe, I must alert you to some unspoken OB Dog Beach rules that you are expected to comply with fully:

There's No Need to Bring Food

Picnics at a dog beach are a bad idea. I should not have to tell you that. When my dogs begin sniffing around the elaborate Subway spread you've laid out on your beach towel, I'm going to keep on walking and pretend I don't know them. Because you obviously need to learn the hard way.

If you insist on bringing food to a dog beach, please refrain from burying charcoal, chicken bones and any other food or BBQ remnants in the sand. I can assure you that in the 15 seconds it took you just to decide that disposing of your garbage in the trashcan (located a mere 10 feet away) would require too much effort, my beagles can sniff out, dig up and devour those toxic and potentially fatal items that you've lazily kicked sand upon and left behind.

There is a Need to Control Your Dog

If your dog is obsessively attacking my Chuck It, backpack (which contains only dog leashes, flip flops and house keys...no food) or face, please do not tell me that he's "just playing." In addition to his sharp teeth, long nails and clear lack of discipline, your dog is heavier, taller and stronger than I am.

I'm also fairly certain that when I show up to work on Tuesday, "Don't worry, it was playful" is not going to fly as an acceptable explanation for the scratches and bite marks covering my arms and face.

When Exiting OB...

Please pay attention to the road. While I'm sure the in-depth conversation you're having with your dog is both hilarious and intellectually stimulating, it does not excuse your driving 2 mph, then speeding up, then stopping short for absolutely no reason - other than maybe Fido telling a joke so funny that you just HAD to stop your car in the middle of an intersection.

Driving on the wrong side of the road is also unacceptable behavior, as is putting your left blinker on, beginning to turn right and then darting back out into traffic again while you and your dog have a hearty chuckle about the fact that you have no clue where you're going and nearly just caused a 3 car/4 bike/2 skateboard collision.

Most of OB's residents have no idea what's going on around them, so it's imperative that you do.

I realize that this is a lot to ask, but promise that your cooperation in this matter is greatly appreciated by regular OBDB patrons as well as all of OB's residents...Not only this weekend, but also throughout the summer.

Thanks so much!
Kellie